Updated: Aug 30, 2019
“It’s just not working at all, Jessica. I think we better accept that and move on.”
Jessica tried to maintain her calm while realizing that she was completely shattering within. Her heart beat mechanically and all her words came out in a frenzy. But even while she tried to explain and set things right, her husband seemed to have been ready for the situation.
His bags had been packed. Before she could explain her bit of events, her husband had left. This was definitely not the kind of moment Jessica wanted to face.
For five years (Jessica was now twenty eight) she had tried to make the marriage the first priority of her life in spite of having to handle a high profile job, which she enjoyed doing. It was her continuous nagging that fueled the fights they began to have. One missing kitchen ingredient used to send her into fits of complaining rages. Her husband’s job, too, didn’t completely satisfy her; she thought he could definitely do better. This little issue had persisted from the days of their courtship, when she had found small troubles irritating enough to make her anxious.
Then he hadn’t given it much thought, often even calling it ‘sweet’ how she worried about little things. Slowly, after marriage, as responsibilities both on the home front and in office increased, her patience crumbled. Very small things seemed to become huge.
It was almost as if she lost all trace of balance. She had been quite an achiever, having a degree from IIM and a first rate job in a leading multinational company. Her habit of complaining seemed to take over her everyday life.
When she came to us for healing, we told her quite early on that she had taken an excellent decision and that she could trust her inner spiritual power to help her ride the rough tide till she was whole and strong again. The tall, graceful woman was facing the toughest challenge of her life, and it was difficult to show her how her own confusion and anger were clouding her judgment.
But we did, together, decide to be frank, open and willing to move forward. Out of the intense bitterness of your husband suddenly deciding to tell you that your married life was over. The hurt and humiliation it brings. The agony you feel on understanding how you are, in a way, responsible for the loss of the relationship. What we needed to clearly show her was that her issues were not the main problem, it was her negative attitude of handling the issues that created the problem. It was in her to bring light and positivity to herself.
She mentioned that the loss of her relationship had changed many aspects of her life. Hell bent on clinging to everything she owned, she had become submissive and docile in office. The firebrand aspect of her nature had vanished. She was constantly afraid of losing her job or getting a demotion, and consequently couldn’t take as many determined stances as she had taken in the past.
Going from the passionate hurt to a touch of healing took quite a few sessions, and it was as much her strength as ours that revived and replenished her anxious, distraught mind. Once she began healing, I could see it would be a magnificent flight of victory for her, so surely did her body and heart accompany her spirit.
Complaining about things gone wrong doesn’t only irk others, it does not take us anywhere near a solution. We can complaint about our jobs and relationships, but complaining does not make them better. If we focus that negative energy into forgiveness and moving ahead, life will immediately be more positive. It is sad, indeed, that in spite of having wealth and a flood of emotional and moral support, the gifts don’t seem to be good enough for us, and we need to resort to complaining and whining about every circumstance in life.
It would not be right to say that Jessica has bounced back to being a bubble, chirpy personality. Her episode taught her a great deal and she learnt not to take small showers of blessing for granted. She may not always be giggling, but when she laughs, she means it. She sincerely compliments people on their good qualities and when needed, explains that improvements can be made. She consciously tries to be kind and smiling with everyone, and she can vouch for the fact that being nice to others also makes her feel happy, dependable and confident.
A true shero, if there ever was one.
“As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision.”
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