Why Do Relationships Hurt So Much?

Why Do Relationships Hurt So Much?

Updated: Aug 30, 2019

The pain of rejection, the tears over someone who doesn’t care, the misunderstanding despite good intentions on both parts, the feeling that nothing ever works in your life, the unfairness of it all.


We’ve all been there.


The deeper the relationship, the more the pain. We simply have to wonder – why does loving someone hurt so much?


Be it your lover, your child, spouse, parent or sibling, the closer the bond, the more the pain.


So the real reason why this happens is related to our growth and learning in this Life. One of the key reasons why we come to Earth is for our Souls to learn and grow.





Each experience and person has been selected by us before our birth to teach us specific lessons. Together, we entered into a sacred arrangement called the SOUL CONTRACT.


This contract binds two people to carry out a task of teaching each other something that helps both souls grow. For this to happen, these people must play on each other’s weakness (hence giving pain ) till the lesson is learnt. In essence then, they take on the role of “teachers” for each other.


It would all have played out beautifully only if we remembered all if this. However, once we are born, we forget all about this scared arrangement where we had asked these people to behave in a certain way, so that we could learn our lessons.


Once on Earth, we suddenly look at them as the enemy and are unable to understand the sacred role they play so that we may learn our lessons.


That parent who victimized us may be teaching the lesson of standing in our own power, the spouse who cheated was teaching us forgiveness or the strength to move on, the child with special needs has a contract to teach us compassion, the lover who rejected us taught us self love.


In the absence of this understanding however, we end up “shooting the messenger “, labeling them as bad and wrong.


Our Ego tells us how we did everything to win their love, and still nothing worked. Well, it couldn’t you see, because their role in our life was to teach us the lesson. Sometimes, they move on after that and sometimes not. It depends on what your contract is.


Having said that, the main thing to know when going through a difficult relationship is this: look for the lesson, not for acceptance.


What is it that this relationship, this experience trying to teach you? Pay more attention if you seem to have a pattern of attracting the same kind of people again and again in your life.


You see, everyone who is hurting you is showing you a part of you that is unhealed.


And that - is your lesson.


For example, if you face rejection in relationships over and over, the lesson is to know that you are complete on your own. Self Love will help you heal and attract the right partner. Somewhere you are rejecting your own self, not feeling that you are good enough, and that is what your partner is projecting.


Another example could be someone who is being disrespected or feels victimized by family, needs to learn self respect and courage to move away from abusive relationships.


Relationships are mirrors.


Mirrors don’t lie.

Every relationship is only a reflection of the turmoil within your own self.


In fact, in Akashic Records (the book of past lives), it is mentioned clearly that the unhealed lessons of the mother are reflected in the child she carries. If you are a woman reading this, go back to your pregnancy and reflect on what lessons you had not learnt then. And see if you can join the dots and notice what your child is projecting now.


Once we are able to identify our lessons, our teachers and are able to take responsibility for our work, life becomes a bliss.


In our upcoming workshop on Love and Intimacy, we focus on creating this space where we can view our closest relationships without guilt, fear and insecurity. An opportunity to finally lay everything on the table with an intent to ‘re-creating the joy of love and happiness.


Yes, it’s possible. Yes, you can. And yes, love is the answer.


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